HOW NOT TO GET A JOB!

• When the advertisment says "you need to have your own transport" or "OWN TRANSPORT ESSENTIAL" just ignore it. Apply for the job even if you do not have transport.
• When the advertisment says that you should complete an application form - and tells you where to get it from - do not do so. Just send in your CV. It is far easier and less hassle.
• Make sure that you spell "you" as "u". This is a surefire way of showing that you will be diligent in a working environment and have a good command of language.
• Do not bother checking your spelling or grammar. The spellcheck is far too difficult to work out for someone who works in the IT field. And littering your communication with unfinished or grammatically incorrect phrases like "I look forward to hearing from." is a superb method of showing how fantastically well organised and coherent you are. 
• If you do complete the application form do not bother trying to do so in a way that allows someone else to read it. Ensure that you scrawl as quickly as possible and as untidily as possible. All employers look forward to hiring someone who is free-spirited and carefree enough not too worry about little things like their application forms being readable.
• Also - if you do complete the application form do not under any circumstances complete all the fields. Just complete all the ones you feel like completing and leave the rest blank. No employer actually puts those questions there because they want them answered - they just do it to fill up the empty space.